Fabulously Droll and Pithy Exclamations by Me
I don't know anyone who enjoys being themselves as much as you.
I've been know to whore myself for a beer.
If I were within 10 ft of that man, I would take him down and hoover him.
Light me one up there, Sparky.
Such a dramatic life I lead. Actually, it now seems like long stretches of banality, occasionally broken up by periods of intense, self-created drama.
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
'Cause even if you aren't successful, it sure is fun to try! [on making babies]
Look, I've got a lot of fucking around to do today, and I can't possibly be expected to do it all by myself.
I could run through a field of them boys with my arms WIDE open.
Six words. Ben Affleck in a flight suit.
Get me loaded. Take me anywhere.
I’m sorry for attacking your elbow with my tit!
Look, Hookers! They’re Hookerific!
So the cat says, ‘Pay rent? Hell I own the joint!’
Everyone who's anyone knows the best place to be is South of Reality. That woman's a quack!
Get me off, then let me shop. [describing the perfect relationship]
Because Crazy is Crazy and sometimes there just ain't shit you can do about it.
I classify people into two groups: waste of a bullet, not a waste of a bullet.
God Damned Mother Fucker Shit Sucking Son of a Bitch!
You can't retrofit equality.
Well, if we're going to be puck bunnies, we might as well fuck the ones with the most money.
I'm so dirty, I don't need a red couch.
Under these clothes is a naked girl just dying to get out.
No way in hell, Stubby!
You were being a good girl with your knees four feet apart?
What's Herbie's sign? "Slow Children at Play"?
How can you not love Halloween?? It's a holiday that celebrates candy. And Eeee-vil.
I'm not uninteresting. I'm too crazy to be uninteresting.
Sometimes you just need to sparkle.
I need to find my "good side." I'm starting to think it's on the other side of a closed door.
Hey! I didn't fall off yesterday's turnip truck. It was the day before.
We can be two old card-playin', chain-smokin', booze-swillin', too-many-pet-ownin' ole biddies.
I'm destined to be a spinster. I'm going to have to get more cats...
Thunder Snow? That sounds like the gay X-Man. "Yoo-hoo! I'm here! It's Thunder Thnow!"
He's "rollin' wid da G fiddy nine"?
I look like I need a lollipop and a porn producer.
BMW's like to have passengers. It makes them happy. Who are we to deny them the Ultimate Driving Experience?
There's meat in my purse.
Why don't you ask me not to Frogger through traffic?
He came. I didn't. I have a magic cootchie; it's just not working for me!
It's like you're in my head! That must be why I'm thinking about boobs.
Yes, it's like I'm your wife. I don't like any of the women you want to have sex with.
I had tentacles, so kiss my ass!
I didn’t know it was Bring Your Own Vietnamese Hooker Night
That’s a pretty purple camouflage bag. It’s like it’s hiding in a gay bar!
I have been drinking gin, don’t fuck with my head!
Getting punched in the head is not photogenic.
Don’t mind me. I’m just over here making dick jokes.
He’s got a pocketful of screws. How fixed can it be?!
I can admit when I’m when wrong. It usually begins with the word “Fuck!”
You don't need to be original when you've got guns!
HIT THAT ASS WITH THE BIG GAY STICK!
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