Things That Make Me Cranky
In no particular order:
People on TV who pretend to speak with their mouths full. Alton Brown does this a lot, which is upsetting to me, because I love everything else about the man. This also happens frequently in food commercials.
No one in toothpaste commercials actually uses toothpaste when they brush their teeth. I realize no one wants to see toothpaste foam dribbling down someone’s chin, but it’s the product they’re trying to sell! This extends to TV shows, as well.
Poor grammar is always on the list. What bothers me the most is that most people don’t care they’re using poor grammar.
"Gender" instead of "sex". Gender applies to words. Sex applies to people. People are male or female. Words are masculine or feminine.
The use of ‘nauseous’ instead of ‘nauseated.’ Nauseated means feeling nausea. Nauseous means causing nausea. This is why, upon hearing someone say “I’m nauseous,” I reply “Yes, you are.”
The way everyone in commercials is “taking control!” What the hell does that even mean? How out of control were you before the Shamwows came into your life?
The continual use of present perfect tense: I am loving, I am hating, etc. I recently received an email from a company urging me to sign up for the email distribution list. The subject line read: Don’t Be Missing Out! Are you kidding me?? Millions of people are out of work in this country and they can’t find someone with more than a fourth grade education to proofread their business communications? Here’s a tip: don’t take your grammar suggestions from McDonald’s commercials.
Sex-specific product advertising. I’m confident eating Nutri-Grain bars will not improve my life significantly. Additionally, I am not embarrassed about any aspect of being a women, but thanks for suggesting I’m a shameful, dirty whore if I don’t use your products.
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09/03/2010 Things That Make Me Cranky
05/24/2010 "Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun"
06/29/2009 "I asked if the milk was fresh and he said 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass!'"
01/27/2009 Kelley’s 25 Things About Me, Posted on Facebook
01/20/2009 I Had No Idea It Was Bring Your Own Vietnamese Hooker Night!
11/27/2008 Happy Thanksgiving To All, And To All A Good Night!
11/19/2008 You Have To Know The Past To Understand the Present
11/15/2008 Kelley Leaps Into The 21st Century!
11/05/2008 To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
11/03/2008 You Must Not Blame Me If I Do Talk To The Clouds
04/02/2007 Brother, You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile
02/26/2007 I'd Like To Thank The Academy
02/23/2007 As I Was Saying OOOOOH SPARKLY!
02/05/2007 Da Bears!
02/04/2007 Punt? Is That Like Boating?
01/31/2007 The Underpants Gnomes Are Stealing My Last Pair of Tighty Whities!
01/29/2007 He’s Rollin’ Wid Da G Fidty Nine?
01/25/2007 A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy and Fabulous!
01/17/2007 I’m Lost in the Middle of My Birthday…
01/15/2007 Having My Cake Batter and Eating It Too
01/12/2007 Stupid Should Hurt
01/03/2007 Of Course I’m French! Why Else Would I Have Zis Outrageous Accent?!
09/25/2006 September 25th, 2006
06/28/2006 June 28th, 2006
03/28/2006 March 28th, 2006
03/14/2006 March 14th, 2006
03/10/2006 March 10th, 2006
02/20/2006 February 20th, 2006
01/16/2006 January 16th, 2006
12/28/2005 December 28, 2005